9 February, 2019
ADAPT, EVOLVE, SURVIVE AND GROW
I have been struggling all day with writer’s block. I had the thoughts and ideas, I was just not being very successful arranging them and putting them to print. Finally, I decided that maybe I should give up for the day. And then my husband and I decided to go to dinner with friends of ours who both play in the same musical group as my husband. One of our first discussions was about the demise of their group a few years ago and the unreasonable circumstances behind it. Obviously, the organization is playing again because the group was reorganized and the three of them play in it now. But it was over this meal that for the first time I was getting the full background on all of this history and I could not get out of my mind how petty and immature the reasons for the dissolution a few years ago were.
It does not matter whether you are bipolar, have other mental health issues, or simply have a pulse, as humans, life affects us all! And life itself is not stagnant. If we are presented with only two options, do or die, what would you choose? Good choice or bad choice? Hopefully you are saying “do.”
“Do”
verb
\ ˈdü \
did\ ˈdid ,dəd \; done\ ˈdən \; doing\ ˈdü-iŋ \; does\ ˈdəz \
Definition of do
1: to bring to pass: CARRY OUTdo another’s wishes. “It is my earnest desire to know the will of Providence … and if I can learn what it is I will do it”— Abraham Lincoln, (Merriam-Webster)
To do is to live. Think about it: Even if you doincorrectly, you are hopefully still living and moving forward. So why did the group dissolve? What I got out of it is that the person in charge at the time decided he no longer wanted the responsibility, and that if he wasn’t in charge, nobody would be in charge. Thus, he dissolved the group. Kind of like that scary ultimatum, “If I can’t have you, nobody can have you.” How grown up is that? What should have been a natural shift in administration was never put on the table as an option. The group with all of its members was a living, breathing organism. Rather than feed and foster it forward, it appears he chose to kill it.
As humans, we are constantly presented with choices. I have mentioned before that as Montessori teachers, we generally offer children two choices when we are trying to resolve or correct a bad behavior or choice a child is making. We give them a “good/healthy choice,” and a “not so good or healthy choice.” We as teachers are trying to help the child evolve into an adult who can make reasonable judgements, has an understanding of consequences, and will hopefully carry out naturally healthy choices in life.
Unfortunately, not all children are capable of developing good choices. They grow up to become sneaky and manipulative people like my brother. The last two weeks of school have been particularly challenging in my classroom. It is not for lack of trying to make sense of it. One of my students has a penchant for spitting at, hitting, pushing, kicking, and screaming unprovoked at the other children. Even at the age of four, and with his being in school for several years already, these behaviors have persisted. Discussions with his parents have yielded no success. Whenever I confront him about a physical altercation he has had with another child, something like, “Did you hit/kick/punch X-child?” he will look me square in the eye, put his lips together not saying a word, and get this mockingly evil smile across his face that says, “Yes, I did it, and what are you going to do about it?!” This is a child who has never demonstrated any sense of remorse for his actions. This last week, as I got down to his eye level to confront him about his latest attack, he reached out and slapped me right across the face! One and a half years in the hands of very capable teachers and there has been no evolution in this boy’s behavior. I see a very challenging life ahead of this him.
This week was also my turn to evolve/adapt to another classroom situation to which I had become completely exasperated with. I have another child, six years old, who presents the kind of challenge that we as teachers, whether it be in private or public school, seem to see on the exponential rise: involuntary, uncontrollable, biologically influenced behavior. This is the child who draws all of the other children into his tornadic orbit through the classroom throughout the day. It is incessant sound effects coming from him, excited outbursts, an inability to stay focused and on task or place, he requires constant hovering and interventions by teachers, has uncontrollable body movements, a lack of awareness of his body’s proximity to other children or things around him, and often unintentionally hurts other children or disturbs their work.
Yet he is also of the genuinely sweetest nature, often unaware of how his behavior has impacted others, and is genuinely remorseful offering a hug as compensation for his actions. How can you not love this? I am an advocate for this child’s success. This last week, as my frustration with this child mounted, I had to retrain my brain that I needed to be empathetic with him because what is not working for him is biological in origin. As frustrated as I become sometimes with him, this is a child who clearly wants to do the right thing. I need to remind myself that for him to do better, I need to do well for him by being better myself. It is really hard somedays. But if I work harder at being a better and more patient me, I will in turn be capable of being a better me for all others. At the end of every challenging school day I remind myself, “This is my circus, those are my monkeys.” Good, bad, or otherwise, I truly love them all with all their faults and foibles. After all, they are only small, growing human beings in need of nurturing.
What challenges are you facing? Are they ones that you can resolve quickly, or do they require you adapting or evolving into a better you? More importantly, how will you achieve this, and how might you grow in unexpected ways?
Blessings,
Baer